This Way Lies Madness: A Sober Review Of The Pilot Episode Of “Dr. Ken”

I suppose the only way to try and explain this is to start at the beginning. When the first commercials for this… monstrosity… showed up, I happened to watch one because… I can’t even give a proper explanation for why because it so obviously seemed like a terrible idea. After watching it, however, the clips managed to surprise me in that they were far worse than even my low expectations had given them credit for. This show was going to be 2 Broke Girls if they lost their two best characters (“You mean Kat Dennings tits?” “nooo, I mean compelling writing and well-developed characters; Yes of course I mean Kat Dennings tits”). This made me angry, but I consoled myself with the idea that there’s no way this show could last more than a couple episodes and would, very rightly, be greeted once on the air with an uproar about how shitty, racist, and incredible stupid it was.

Once again, I was giving too much credit where credit was never due. In the time since it debuted, not only has Dr. Ken become a enough of a “hit” with audiences that the network ordered a full season’s worth of episodes up from “too many” that they’d already planned on unleashing on the public. Armed with this fresh new rage, the fact that I’m still in recovery from knee surgery, and having consumed three books and three movies of Hunter S. Thompson, now (especially since it’s too late for any ratings boost to come from this) seems like the time to provide a play-by-play for the pilot and try to make sense of this baffling new addition to the search for the lowest common denominator. But, because this is the Halloween season, I’m also going to subject myself to a true horror story: watching Dr. Ken while sober. Let the madness begin…

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Playoff Baseball Begins!

AMERICAN LEAGUE:

Alright well I would have to say that I made some pretty good predictions here for the AL Playoffs.  Correct picks were: Blue Jays, Yankees, Royals, and the Astros. The Texas Rangers went on a crazy run and took the AL West from the Astros.  The Astros play the Yankees tonight in a play-in Wild Card game (8pm EST/7CT ESPN).

Here are my guesses for the Wild Card and ALDS series’.

Yankees vs. Astros- Astros win!

Royals vs. Astros- Royals in 4

Blue Jays vs. Rangers- Blue Jays in 5

NATIONAL LEAGUE:

I don’t want to sound cocky or anything, but I only got one prediction wrong out of the entire playoffs…I may know some stuff about baseball. Your NL Playoff teams are as follows: Mets, Cardinals, Pirates, Cubs, and Dodgers. Wild Card teams are the Pirates and Cubs who will play in Pittsburgh tomorrow (8pm EST/7CT FS1 or MLB Network).

Here are my NL Wild Card and NLDS predictions:

Pirates vs. Cubs- CUBS!

Cubs vs. Cardinals- Cubs in 5 (best series of the playoffs here).

Dodgers vs. Mets- Dodgers in 4

Check back in for Championship Series predictions!

All 30 NHL Teams As Songs

Due to our (relative) success with our teams as booze article as well as the other time we tried to do something like this, why not give in and just keep making random lists about stuff?  Also, given how the NHL Network’s satellite radio preview of the Leafs came back from commercial break with two different god-awful choices for music, I can only assume they had similar poor taste for other teams and need all the help they can get.  Thankfully for them, if there’s one thing we at FiveMole do other than talk about hockey, it’s drink… but we also know a few songs so let’s get things started.

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National League Postseason Predictions

Well here we are, I gave myself a couple of days to crunch some numbers and drink plenty of beers to figure out this.

The National League in my personal opinion is where the best baseball is played these days. Even though my beloved Red Sox are in the American League, the National League has the better baseball.

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The Legacy of Jon Stewart

Now that we’re a week or so out from the end of the old Daily Show and a week or so out from the start of the new one, it seemed like a good time to reflect on what Jon Stewart’s legacy really is:

Jon saw the world as it is, and knew it COULD be better if people cared enough to be informed. He made jokes, but he wanted everyone to be better. He EXPECTED everyone to be better… and it aged him when we weren’t.

Thanks for believing in us, Jon.

American League Final Predictions (INCLUDING PLAYOFFS!)

With about a month and a half left of the regular season it is time to start looking at potential playoff teams for the Major League Baseball.

Below you will find my predication for the end of the year final standing in each American League division. I have done no math to figure this out, I haven’t even left my couch.  This is just going based on pure baseball intelligence. Take it or leave it. I don’t care. NL will be done tomorrow, can’t have too much content on the same day.

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Music Videos To Be Thankful For: The Obligatory “We’re In On The Joke” Edition…

Dear lord, does anyone actually read these?  No?  Are you sure?  ’cause the whole spiel I had planned out was… never mind.  Here’s some more music videos that might “tickle your fancy” if you’re 50 years old and still say things like that.  This time around I’m FAIRLY sure most of the people involved know what’s going on (or “What’s Up” if you want to be a stickler about the title)… but it’s still worth maybe reading more…?

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5 Fantasy Football Tips From Someone Who Doesn’t Do Fantasy Football

Apparently it’s that time of year again… somehow.  I’ve been told by various people that fantasy football leagues are starting to gear up and everyone involved is heavily invested in their “system” so that they can gain an advantage against their friends and/or fellow office drones.  But what if that’s all wrong?  What if spending all that time pouring over every available minor detail all the way down to the number of interceptions thrown on second a six against the wind while down by less than four in that 4th stringer’s second-last pee-wee game eight years ago has caused an over-saturation of the market?  What if all you really need to win your league and be crowned Champion Of The 87th Street Baskin Robins is tips from someone who can see the forest for the trees?  Mainly because they have no interest or knowledge as to what any of those trees are.
Anyway, if that metaphor wasn’t confusing enough, here’s some tips from a professional amateur that are SURE* to bring you out on top:

*not a sure thing

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